About Me

My photo
This is my life... Welcome.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Hello Cold World...

girls and boys keep lining up to see if they can measure up, they look good, and they feel wild, but it will never be enough... you say you're really hurting, at least you're feeling something... we can hope and we can pray that everything will work out fine, but you can't just stay down on your knees, the revolution is outside... you wanna make a difference, get out and go begin it...

I wish there was a way to shut my mind off.  I wish it would just relax sometimes.  I have never ever known how to shut my brain off.  I feel like this is a problem that I won't be able to fix.  Does it really need to be fixed?  Who knows?  I feel like chaos helps me thrive.  But I am so tired of being tired.

When I think about life it makes me laugh.  We try to use all of these weird tactics to get our shit together.  The power of positivity.  Psyching ourselves out for things hoping that the universe will kick it into high gear for you.  I was on that train.  I got off of it.  Because I did the whole thing where I wrote a check for myself and put it on the door.  I looked at it every day and was like YES I'm gonna make that money.  I had it on the door for like a year.  And I was like FUCK THIS.  You still have to do the work.  I get that.  I do the work, just sometimes shit is not meant to be.  And that's ok.  I guess...

I just try to do what I can day to day.  If you know me then you know I say one thing and mean another.  I try to be a bitch and not care but it's not possible.  I try to be tough on the outside when all I want is acceptance.  It's awful.  It's this crazy cycle and it just doesn't ever stop.  I try not to be hypocritical.  I try to do what's best for others.  Put the needs of others before myself.  That works for me most of the time.  Because I am happy when I am helping others.  And I guess that's all any of us are really searching for.  Happiness.  And I would say that 97% of the time I am happy.  It's that 3 damn percent that kicks my ass. 

I know everyone has something going on.  My problems aren't better than yours.  I hate hearing about horrible things happening everywhere.  It's crazy the things that go on all around us.  Bad things happening to good people.  It's tragic.  But I try to be a good friend.  I try to be a good person in general.  And I really like to believe in people.  I like to believe that there is good in the world.  I give people the benefit of the doubt even when they don't deserve it.  Because I believe that everyone has a story.  Every single one of us is fighting a battle.  Whether it's internal or it's out there for the world to see.  It's a battle.  And I really try to be sensitive to that.

We live in a world where change is constant.  New devices are coming out daily.  The need for information is constant and the need to know OMG RIGHT THIS SECOND is so strong that we get angry when our smart phones are acting dumb.  It's no wonder anxiety is high and ADHD is a serious problem.  I can't pay attention to anything anymore.  Multitasking is the only way to survive and that shit is exhausting.  If you leave your phone at home you go back to get it.  GUILTY.  I could leave my wallet, hell I could leave my whole purse and not care, but my phone?  Oh hell no.  I'm going back to get that shit.  That is absolutely bananas.  God forbid I have to commute without 56 games to play!  God forbid I can't look at FaceBook or miss a text message!  It's insane.  But it is what it is.  This is life in 2012.  And it's only going to get worse.

I don't know.  A lot has been going on lately and I always just pray for clarity.  To always be able to do the right thing for myself and others.  That's all I can do.  To keep on pushing through when all I want to do is cry.  This is life.  It's a cold world but it could be worse.  All I can do is continue to be me.  Tweak it as I go and hope for the best.  Continue working my ass off towards what ever goal I chose to set for myself that day.  And that's it I guess. 

If you need me, I'm here...

Thanks for reading...

it's such a cold, cold world and I can't get out, so I'll just make the best of everything I'll never have... it's such a cold, cold world and It's got me down, but I'll get right back up, as long as its spins around... hello cold world...

No comments:

Post a Comment